New Year’s Resolution in July

In case you missed our Facebook live wedding of the century you can find it on my Facebook page…

www.facebook.com/StefaniRoseMusic

It was by far the most spontaneous thing I have ever done.

Besides finally getting married we made a huge announcement. We are having a new baby this new year!  My husband and I are both thrilled.  We really wanted to have one more!!! I know some of you may think we are crazy but we really felt like our family was not complete.

We have 3 amazing kids but the age gap is pretty extreme.  My oldest is 10 and our youngest is 1, with an 8 year old in the middle.  We wanted to balance things out a little and try for another girl.

We had a few bumps along the way.  Our first month of “trying” lead to a miscarriage, which was pretty devastating for me.  I never had experienced anything like it.  It is said to be very common but after having 3 normal healthy pregnancies, I never thought much about it.  It sucks! It breaks your heart in ways I never knew possible.  We got through it and decided to keep trying and here we are 18 weeks and counting.

I have done a lot of things differently with this pregnancy because of the miscarriage, I had all the genetics pre-screens and I am doing all the optional testing because I want to make sure this baby is healthy.  Once you are over 35 you are considered “high risk”.  It sucks!! You start to doubt your body and wonder should I have really agreed to this.  Those are temporary thoughts though and drift away with a simple baby belly flutter.

The thoughts that have been staying are the thoughts about being an “older mom” and the future.  There are things about myself that I really want to change, mostly my outlook  on life and how I spend my time.

Right now I am floating in this in between space, I have been a bit lost the past few weeks.  I felt like I truly got through my divorce after 3 years of drama.  I finally built up my independence but then the my business sold, we are buying a house, Daniel and I tied the knot and went from being business partners with a baby to a real no bullshit family.  What does this mean for me?

Were all my feminist ideals about being independent lost when I said I do?  Did I lose my identity when I sold my business? Am I really too old to have another baby? Do I have to reinvent myself, again?

In a lot of way yes and in a lot of ways no.

I did not change my last name and my husband does not expect me to.  I might one day but for now I can still be me, just married.  So I am holding on to a little part of my feministic ideals but allowing myself to be happy.

I had to find a new job.  It took me a while but I am so happy! I am back to working with kids again and teaching.  The best part is I am still an independent contractor and make my own hours and I never have to leave home.  The entrepreneur life for me!!

I think my age is irrelevant.  I feel great and I am totally healthy.  I am ready to have this baby.  I know lots of “older moms” who never missed a beat.  This is not my first rodeo so I think I will be ok.

I do think I need to reinvent myself because I was stuck in the between.  I think I was trying so hard to not go back to being “just a stay at home mom” that I forgot how much I actually enjoyed it sometimes.  I think I was almost afraid to say I wanted to find a way to work but be close to home.  I think selling the business was a risk and a huge “what if” but I am glad we did it and I am excited to be less stressed.

So here we are in July and I want to make a resolution to allow myself to shine and get out of my own way.  I need to stop focusing on what I lost or do not have and start to see all the potential again.   I need to be happy in the moment and be present with my kids, and my husband not always searching for the next client or opportunity.   I need to work when it’s time to work and let things go when I am off the clock.  I need to allow myself to live and not push so hard for success that failure feels like it’s chasing me.

Being an entrepreneur is hard.

Being a mom at any age is hard.

Being a wife is hard.

Here is to my mid year resolution and doing it the hard way!!

 

 

 

Where are your socks?!?!?

At my house laundry duty is viewed as a punishment.  An evil dreaded job that no one wants to do.  Including me!!  Yet, I have now come to realize it is the only way to ensure our day runs smoothly.  It seems so silly but so true.

Let me explain…

In the mad morning rush to get out of the house the primary question that gets asked is “Where are your socks?”.

 

Everyday without fail someone is missing their socks.  This then sends me into a full-blown mom melt down.  I know you have socks I washed all the clothes.  What is going on. I get angry and have to scramble to find someone their socks.  Sometimes I can’t even find my own socks.

The problem is that we leave the clean socks at the bottom of the laundry basket and they never make it to the kids rooms or our drawers.   They are small and it’s annoying to sit there and find the matches after folding all the other clothes.  So the job never gets done.

It does not seem like that big of a deal.

I have been trying to figure out why I am always struggling with what seems like simple tasks such as getting out the door in the morning.   It all goes back to getting the small stuff done.   I am not a lazy person by any means but I have been slacking in the prep department.  I have been trying so hard for the past few years to make money and build a huge business that I neglect things like socks. But let me tell you, those socks are important.

I guess the lesson that has finally been learned is that while it is important to see the big picture in order to create it, you need to do the work of painting in the details.

In order for me to create the life I want I have to actively keep up with it even the small stuff like socks.

Thank goodness we are officially on summer vacation and we are all wearing our flip flops of the next few months.

Make Sure to check out our family Vlogs at TheHardWayVlog!!!The Hard Way

 

P.S. I have 3 kids

It’s amazing to me just how much BAD advice is out there.

I must look fairly young or completely incompetent because no matter where I go someone wants to give me parenting advice. As if I have absolutely no idea as to what I am doing. Grocery stores, banks, you name it, some unassuming person will engage in a conversation with me about my baby or my kids and what I should be doing.

The number of times people say “wow you have your hands full… what you need to do is…” is unbelievable.

I want look at them and say please, please tell me… What should I be doing oh wise one.

But I don’t, I smile and nod and know in my heart the answer is I should be doing exactly what I am doing.

I am a pretty terrific mom if I do say so myself.  I am creative and fun.  I am honest and forthright with my children.  I keep them safe, happy and healthy.  They are my number one job and I do that job like a mother f*%@er.

Now with my two older kids in school most of the day, I often only have the baby with me and that’s when I get the most advice.  Stupid thing that make no sense like “you should always have socks on the baby” I live in Southern California and it’s almost always 80 degrees.   “Brest Feeding your baby will make him co-dependent have you tried formula, that should make him less fussy.” Ummm no Sir you are wrong, Nursing is by far the best thing for my baby and go f*#@ yourself. I did not actually say that but I wanted to.

I have made it through teething and potty training and bloody nipples.  I have made it through broken bones and epilepsy.  I have made it through mean girls and as of late the curse words and sex questions.  I made it through my way and it is the best way for me and my kids.  I may not be perfect but I am doing the best I can – sometimes learning lessons the hard way.  (A little shameless self promotion to go check out our family Vlogs on YouTube.) TheHardWayVlog

The Hard Way

So now the next time someone offers advice, smile and nod and tell them to go F%*@ themselves for me.  You are an awesome mom!!!

Cheers!!

All The Kings Men

Once you realize all the “broken” pieces of your life are sometimes best left unglued you feel an unbelievable sense of relief.  Don’t get me wrong it is still stressful as all hell but there is a small sense of relief. I have always been the type who wants to try to fix everything.  But guess what…not all things in life should be fixed.

As a mother I often find myself explaining to my kids that we have to make mistakes in order to learn, mistakes are good. However in my adult life I have been so quick to patch up every little mistake in order to appear all put together.

Why?

The easy way is to patch things up, get a band-aid, hide the mistakes and push through. The hard way is to admit you made a mistake, destroy everything and rebuild.

Starting Over. The before and after model.

I have all of these moments of before and after in my life.  Before college, after college.  Before I was sexually assaulted in my apartment at YALE, after the assault.  Before I had kids, after I had kids. Before I was married after the Divorce.

Each of those before and afters came with a HUGE shift in perceptive. Those moments gave me the opportunity to reevaluate my life, destroy all my preconceived ideas on who I was and start over. Start over as a mother, start over as a graduate, start over as a hero.  It is only once you make it through the to the “after” that you can start to truly reflect and learn.  The transition is so hard but my God the reward is worth it.  Once you start over you can let go of the past.

I am leaping heart first into a new “before and after” and I am trying to navigate through it with grace.  I am in a new relationship with the most amazing man, (you should checkout his blog ProducerDad) we share a business and a baby, and the conversation of marriage is of course a hot topic.  He loves me, I love him, he loves my kids, we have the most beautiful baby, who could ask for anything more?  Me.  See we both have been married before and neither one of us wants to go through the headache and heartache of divorce again.  We both are not big on titles and my biggest argument is how can I be someones better half when I am still trying be make my own self whole.  I am still rebuilding.  I admitted to my mistakes and I am starting over.  I am lucky enough to have found someone who is willing to not send in all the kings men to put me back together again.  I found someone who is willing to let me do things the hard way and start over from scratch.

Why Do It The Hard Way?

As people, we are always looking for the easiest way to get something done.  From cooking our food to raising our children, we look for quick simple solutions to get things done fast and “painless”.  I by no means am any different.  I like quick how to videos.  I love simple easy programs that help me get things done fast and I love tips and tricks on how to make my life easier.  I love these kinds of things because they promise time.  The biggest reward in my life right now as a mom and business owner is TIME.  However getting things done quickly or having someone else do things for you robs you of something even more valuable than time.  It robs you of the focus and drive it should take to achieve a goal.

Us 30 somethings are so quick to give up because when we do not see immediate results.  We are hounded by quick weight loss diets, quick meals, quick parenting tips, and quick money-making solutions. As a result we have a whole bunch of failed quick beginnings with no earned result.

I am done with that! I am done with being sold on the idea that I don’t have to invest my time or my effort into things.  I want to work for it.  I want to feel the struggle because I want the real result.

So this is a place for me to explore this concept of doing things the hard way and share my findings with all of you.

My family is on board with this concept and we do family vlogs on YouTube to document our journey through this life.  The Vlogs are little recaps of our family story.  You can check them out at The Hard Way Vlog. (make sure to like and subscribe 😊)

As you get to know me you will see that I have chosen to do things the hard way on a lot of different levels.  I have been pushing this concept for the past few years and I can honestly say I do feel more alive and more self-aware than ever before.  Thus far the results of doing things the hard way have been a dramatic weight loss, running a marathon, coming to terms with a sexual assault that happened years ago, coming to terms with my eldest sons Epilepsy, no more mommy happy pills, and a full on early mid-life crisis that involved lots of crying, divorce, therapy, a new business, a new relationship, and a new baby out of wed lock.  I know what you are thinking, all this would make a great made for TV movie.  I tend to be over dramatic at times but its all true.  I have had a pretty crazy few years and I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  The real goal is of course health, wealth, and true happiness simply earned the hard way.  I am almost there…I can feel it.

The Hard Way