Once you realize all the “broken” pieces of your life are sometimes best left unglued you feel an unbelievable sense of relief. Don’t get me wrong it is still stressful as all hell but there is a small sense of relief. I have always been the type who wants to try to fix everything. But guess what…not all things in life should be fixed.
As a mother I often find myself explaining to my kids that we have to make mistakes in order to learn, mistakes are good. However in my adult life I have been so quick to patch up every little mistake in order to appear all put together.
The easy way is to patch things up, get a band-aid, hide the mistakes and push through. The hard way is to admit you made a mistake, destroy everything and rebuild.
Starting Over. The before and after model.
I have all of these moments of before and after in my life. Before college, after college. Before I was sexually assaulted in my apartment at YALE, after the assault. Before I had kids, after I had kids. Before I was married after the Divorce.
Each of those before and afters came with a HUGE shift in perceptive. Those moments gave me the opportunity to reevaluate my life, destroy all my preconceived ideas on who I was and start over. Start over as a mother, start over as a graduate, start over as a hero. It is only once you make it through the to the “after” that you can start to truly reflect and learn. The transition is so hard but my God the reward is worth it. Once you start over you can let go of the past.
I am leaping heart first into a new “before and after” and I am trying to navigate through it with grace. I am in a new relationship with the most amazing man, (you should checkout his blog ProducerDad) we share a business and a baby, and the conversation of marriage is of course a hot topic. He loves me, I love him, he loves my kids, we have the most beautiful baby, who could ask for anything more? Me. See we both have been married before and neither one of us wants to go through the headache and heartache of divorce again. We both are not big on titles and my biggest argument is how can I be someones better half when I am still trying be make my own self whole. I am still rebuilding. I admitted to my mistakes and I am starting over. I am lucky enough to have found someone who is willing to not send in all the kings men to put me back together again. I found someone who is willing to let me do things the hard way and start over from scratch.