New Year’s Resolution in July

In case you missed our Facebook live wedding of the century you can find it on my Facebook page…

It was by far the most spontaneous thing I have ever done.

Besides finally getting married we made a huge announcement. We are having a new baby this new year!  My husband and I are both thrilled.  We really wanted to have one more!!! I know some of you may think we are crazy but we really felt like our family was not complete.

We have 3 amazing kids but the age gap is pretty extreme.  My oldest is 10 and our youngest is 1, with an 8 year old in the middle.  We wanted to balance things out a little and try for another girl.

We had a few bumps along the way.  Our first month of “trying” lead to a miscarriage, which was pretty devastating for me.  I never had experienced anything like it.  It is said to be very common but after having 3 normal healthy pregnancies, I never thought much about it.  It sucks! It breaks your heart in ways I never knew possible.  We got through it and decided to keep trying and here we are 18 weeks and counting.

I have done a lot of things differently with this pregnancy because of the miscarriage, I had all the genetics pre-screens and I am doing all the optional testing because I want to make sure this baby is healthy.  Once you are over 35 you are considered “high risk”.  It sucks!! You start to doubt your body and wonder should I have really agreed to this.  Those are temporary thoughts though and drift away with a simple baby belly flutter.

The thoughts that have been staying are the thoughts about being an “older mom” and the future.  There are things about myself that I really want to change, mostly my outlook  on life and how I spend my time.

Right now I am floating in this in between space, I have been a bit lost the past few weeks.  I felt like I truly got through my divorce after 3 years of drama.  I finally built up my independence but then the my business sold, we are buying a house, Daniel and I tied the knot and went from being business partners with a baby to a real no bullshit family.  What does this mean for me?

Were all my feminist ideals about being independent lost when I said I do?  Did I lose my identity when I sold my business? Am I really too old to have another baby? Do I have to reinvent myself, again?

In a lot of way yes and in a lot of ways no.

I did not change my last name and my husband does not expect me to.  I might one day but for now I can still be me, just married.  So I am holding on to a little part of my feministic ideals but allowing myself to be happy.

I had to find a new job.  It took me a while but I am so happy! I am back to working with kids again and teaching.  The best part is I am still an independent contractor and make my own hours and I never have to leave home.  The entrepreneur life for me!!

I think my age is irrelevant.  I feel great and I am totally healthy.  I am ready to have this baby.  I know lots of “older moms” who never missed a beat.  This is not my first rodeo so I think I will be ok.

I do think I need to reinvent myself because I was stuck in the between.  I think I was trying so hard to not go back to being “just a stay at home mom” that I forgot how much I actually enjoyed it sometimes.  I think I was almost afraid to say I wanted to find a way to work but be close to home.  I think selling the business was a risk and a huge “what if” but I am glad we did it and I am excited to be less stressed.

So here we are in July and I want to make a resolution to allow myself to shine and get out of my own way.  I need to stop focusing on what I lost or do not have and start to see all the potential again.   I need to be happy in the moment and be present with my kids, and my husband not always searching for the next client or opportunity.   I need to work when it’s time to work and let things go when I am off the clock.  I need to allow myself to live and not push so hard for success that failure feels like it’s chasing me.

Being an entrepreneur is hard.

Being a mom at any age is hard.

Being a wife is hard.

Here is to my mid year resolution and doing it the hard way!!




Why Do It The Hard Way?

As people, we are always looking for the easiest way to get something done.  From cooking our food to raising our children, we look for quick simple solutions to get things done fast and “painless”.  I by no means am any different.  I like quick how to videos.  I love simple easy programs that help me get things done fast and I love tips and tricks on how to make my life easier.  I love these kinds of things because they promise time.  The biggest reward in my life right now as a mom and business owner is TIME.  However getting things done quickly or having someone else do things for you robs you of something even more valuable than time.  It robs you of the focus and drive it should take to achieve a goal.

Us 30 somethings are so quick to give up because when we do not see immediate results.  We are hounded by quick weight loss diets, quick meals, quick parenting tips, and quick money-making solutions. As a result we have a whole bunch of failed quick beginnings with no earned result.

I am done with that! I am done with being sold on the idea that I don’t have to invest my time or my effort into things.  I want to work for it.  I want to feel the struggle because I want the real result.

So this is a place for me to explore this concept of doing things the hard way and share my findings with all of you.

My family is on board with this concept and we do family vlogs on YouTube to document our journey through this life.  The Vlogs are little recaps of our family story.  You can check them out at The Hard Way Vlog. (make sure to like and subscribe 😊)

As you get to know me you will see that I have chosen to do things the hard way on a lot of different levels.  I have been pushing this concept for the past few years and I can honestly say I do feel more alive and more self-aware than ever before.  Thus far the results of doing things the hard way have been a dramatic weight loss, running a marathon, coming to terms with a sexual assault that happened years ago, coming to terms with my eldest sons Epilepsy, no more mommy happy pills, and a full on early mid-life crisis that involved lots of crying, divorce, therapy, a new business, a new relationship, and a new baby out of wed lock.  I know what you are thinking, all this would make a great made for TV movie.  I tend to be over dramatic at times but its all true.  I have had a pretty crazy few years and I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  The real goal is of course health, wealth, and true happiness simply earned the hard way.  I am almost there…I can feel it.

The Hard Way